Simplify

As a new mother there are things I no longer I have time to do. It will be even more so once I go back to work after my maternity leave is over. So I have been in the process of getting rid of clutter I no longer need and activities that no longer serve my life. That means the tons of makeup I have collected over the years, must somehow go. Well..soon..or at least not buying anymore! Why did I buy so many when I didn't even use half of them? Now all I have time for is a basic face and a pretty lip gloss. I still want to look nice when I leave the house, just with less gunk on my face and you know what I noticed? I feel stronger and better not wearing as much. It's as if I had to put a mask on before facing the world everyday. I don't need the latest eyeshadow kit or makeup bag. These are just stuff. Stuff collecting on my dresser.

By trying to get rid of certain things in my life, I have made room for more internal changes within. It's as if my authentic self is slowly trying to emerge and it feels beautiful. All that clutter also paralleled with the chaos in my life. How could I direct my energy towards a particular focus if I'm often trying to sift my way through the mess around me? I'm not saying I'm going to be all zen and have only a bed in my home, but honestly why do we sometimes feel the need to hold on so tightly to material things? Comfort? Collection? We constantly need to buy more "stuff" when most of the time it ends up in our trash can and later into a landfill. Every action has a consequence. I'm a total believer in trying to protect our environment especially now that I have a child. We only have one Earth. We don't have to always get new things? How much energy goes into making these things when the old would be perfectly fine? As I have delved deeper into myself, I realize there are more actions I can do that will be better for the environment. I don't need to get new books from Border's. There are libraries and second hand bookstores. The list goes on from there but I won't get into that here.

Since more of my authentic self is emerging I realize often I have gotten dressed or spoken to somebody with fear of what they will think of me. Honestly though, who cares? Because of those fears, I either think too much of what to say and end up saying the wrong thing or I put on this armor on and say something completely off base not reflecting what I feel at all but wanting to protect myself. It's funny because all this time I have being at home with my baby and just contemplating how my life was and how I was, I realize I'm really an introvert. To my friends who might read this, they would probably laugh because when I meet strangers I'm pretty outgoing and friendly. However, I honestly hate crowds. It would explain why I felt the need to totally numb myself with alcohol whenever I was in a bar surrounded by strangers. The outgoing persona is just a way of deflecting others from getting to know the real me. The real dreams, beliefs, and motivation. Blogging has been one of the best ways for me to be able to share the true me.

And now that I realize a stranger's judgement of me no longer matters, I don't have to spend a lot of wasted time on clothing I'm not comfortable in, makeup that masks my face, and attitudes that I don't agree with. And you know what? I'm happier. It's so simple. If we had no fears can you imagine the endless possibilities? If money wasn't a motivation what would you choose to do with your life? Below is a picture of when I was 6 months along. I hardly had much makeup on but didn't care that day because I was basking in my pregnancy and I must say it portrays how I feel on the inside a lot more than when I have a glob of makeup on.

May more love and peace shine from you to those are reading this blog :)